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Woody Allen Quotes

Some of the best quotes of the famous american director, actor and comedian. In this app you'll find Allen's take on some of the subjects that obsess most men: love, sex, death, politics and life itself. Throughout his successful career, Woody Allen has been nominated 23 times and won 4 Academy Awards: 3 for Best Original Screenplay and 1 for Best Director. Enjoy!

Most of the time I don t have much fun


Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

Not only is there no God but try finding a plumber on Sunday


Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Why does man kill? He kills for food


Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

If my films don t show a profit I know I m doing something right


If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

I will not eat oysters


I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I have bad reflexes


I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

I ve never been an intellectual but I have this look


I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

If my films make one more person miserable I ll feel I have done my job


If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it


Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness


Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Man consists of two parts his mind and his body only the body has more fun


Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

Why are our days numbered and not say lettered?


Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

In Beverly Hills they don t throw their garbage away


In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

I don t think my parents liked me


I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

He was so depressed he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armeni...


He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

I m astounded by people who want to know the universe when it s hard enough...


I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

I was nauseous and tingly all over


I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

The food here is terrible and the portions are too small


The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

Right now it s only a notion but I think I can get the money to make it into...


Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance


Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

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