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Woody Allen Quotes

Some of the best quotes of the famous american director, actor and comedian. In this app you'll find Allen's take on some of the subjects that obsess most men: love, sex, death, politics and life itself. Throughout his successful career, Woody Allen has been nominated 23 times and won 4 Academy Awards: 3 for Best Original Screenplay and 1 for Best Director. Enjoy!

On the plus side death is one of the few things that can be done as easily l...

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .

I don t have to freedom-kiss my wife when what I really want to do is Frenc...

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

It is impossible to experience one s death objectively and still carry a tune...

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Marriage is the death of hope.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

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